Think Sarah! LLC
Professional Speaking
Having a Loved One in a Long-Term Care Facility Does Not Have to Be Stressful!
By Sarah J.L. DeDonatis, Think Sarah! LLC
When you have someone whom you love very much living in a long-term care facility you will go through some very normal stress and emotions. You may have a feeling of guilt and remorse, possibly even feelings of “why couldn’t I have taken care of them in my home?” Just know you are not alone in this world. Thousands of people are faced with the same tough task of maintaining someone that they love in a long-term care facility. Here are some things that you can do to ensure the time spent in a facility is beneficial to both your loved one and yourself.
-Relax, time will heal the move. Your loved-one will have a hard time getting used to the facility and all the new sounds, sights and smells. There is now a major change in their routine and they will at first have a very hard time getting adjusted. Please have patience and don’t let yourself get upset in front of them. Try your hardest to be supportive of the new move and let them know that soon life will be much easier (all the while convincing yourself). There is usually a two to six month adjustment period in order to settle down into a new living environment. All people go through these adjustments just at varying degrees of difficulty. Have patience.
-Get to know the staff. It is true that the squeaky wheel gets the grease, but a sweet person gets honey. Personally I would rather have honey. Get to know those people who are most closely related to your loved ones care. Let them know that you are interested in the well-being of all of the residents but that you are most concerned for your loved one. Don’t worry, the staff will understand. Cultivating a relationship will help during those times when you cannot be there and need to speak with someone. The staff will be more open to helping out a person willing to talk with them and not at them. Appreciate the staff and you will be rewarded.
-Most people are good. I truly believe that most people really want to make a good impact on this world, their situations or a bad decision allows their judgment to be clouded. Understand that most staff are trying their best to take care of everyone and that you yelling is not going to help the situation any. Remain Calm!!!! If the staff person is truly not complying with the care needed, then go to their direct supervisor.
-If you respect them, they will come. There is a reason there are direct supervisors. When you begin to learn the staff, find out who is who’s direct supervisor. This way when there is a problem you won’t have to run up to the administrator’s office, but many times get quick response and benefit from the direct supervisor. Respect is earned and you will get it if you go through the proper channels and so will your loved-one living in the facility.
-What is a Family or Resident Council? Many facilities, especially licensed ones, offer the chance to belong to a council. I highly recommend them because it gives you freedom to discuss and solve problems without staff intervention. Family and Resident councils are a right and not a privilege. If you are faced with a facility who will not allow a council to form there is help through your local Long-Term Care Ombudsman. If you have a loved-one in a licensed facility you need to belong to a council. For more information, contact your local Long-Term Care Ombudsman. Their number must be posted on the wall of all licensed facilities, if you don’t see it see the Administrator! Ombudsmen are the people who are fundamental in starting and maintaining councils in facilities.
-Long-Term Care Ombudsman. These people are tireless! They provide an abundance of information and assistance. Their job is to side with the resident of the facility, not the family and not the facility staff. They are great at solving issues that cannot be resolved and providing an array of information to you and your loved-one about their care. They also have taken on the task of assisting the facilities to start councils; they are your go to people. Each state has them, just look them up! http://www.ltcombudsman.org/
Know that having a loved one in a facility may not be something that you can change; they are in there for a reason. Relax and enjoy the time you have with them.
I remember when my great-grandmother got into a car accident and broke her neck. She had to go into the nursing home for a while to get therapy. We would come to see her every Sunday (we being seven brothers and sisters and all our friends or significant others, my parents and grandparents) and we would bring her ukulele for her to play and sing. She was so happy to be with us and to provide us entertainment. That is a very special memory for me, being with her and seeing her happy where she was. You never know what memories you may create when you visit your loved one. Expect nothing and enjoy everything.
If you found this helpful and would like to receive a free copy of Sarah’s “Top Ten Tips to Find a Long-Term Care Facility”, email Sarah at Top10TipsLTC@thinksarah.com.
So, take a deep breath and know you are all right. If the facility is not providing adequate care you can always speak with the administration of the home or call your local Long-Term Care Ombudsman. They are the best at resolving issues.
About the Author; Sarah DeDonatis is a professional speaker who provides educational presentations on Elder and Caregiver needs. She can provide education on new programs impacting the senior population, stress relief for seniors and caregivers and education on elder abuse plus many other topics. Having her present on these topics will educate and empower seniors and caregivers alike. She is a proud member of the National Speakers Association and the proud owner of Think Sarah! LLC. You can contact Sarah by emailing her at articles@thinksarah.com.